Letting Go

At this time in my life, I am learning to let go, again. In the past few years, I have let go of some dreams, I have faced open-heart surgery, and I have been at my precious daughter's bedside as she passed from this life. All terrible letting go experiences.

Each time I needed to let go, I needed to believe in something holding me, comforting me, loving me. I have come to believe that prescence, that unconditional love, is God. As my fear dissipates, as my grief becomes less immobilizing, I gradually open up. 

All that I love, all that I am is in God's hands.

I have come to experience that even in moments of sheer terror and unceasing grief, there is a light. Similar to the eye of a hurricane. In its center, pure calm. When I was wheeled into heart surgery, at the core of my fear was the knowing that I was in God's hands, and whatever the outcome, all would be well. When I kissed my little girl's forehead for the last time and told her I loved her and thanked her for being with us for 39 years, even then, even now, as I weep writing these words, I know she was in God's loving embrace and somehow, even though I don't know how all would be well.

Each time I let go, I learn and re-learn God's unconditional love is always with me.