Everything calls her name

How can it be that in our world, so busy and full of life, that the loss of one little special needs child makes an empty space in hundreds of hearts. The loss is so wide and deep that only the unconditional love of our universal God can fill it up.

Sandra and I were privileged to spend 39 of our years with Ashley. We could feel her presence, we bathed her in unconditional love, we sat in silence and heard the voice of God. Now that she is physically gone, every drop of creation recognizes her absence. There is no place that does not ask for her. The nature path, the summer breeze, the warm sandy beach, the pillowy clouds, the morning doves, the front pew in church where her wheelchair rested. Everything calls her name.

She is now part of the universe. She is in the stars. She visits the sun, moon, and planets. She is as small as a nano particle and as large as the embrace of God. 

She is everywhere.

My Beacon

"I have found it is the small things. Everyday deeds of ordinary folks that keeps the darkness at bay. Simple acts of kindness and love." - Gandalf, from The Hobbit

My life has been blessed to be interwoven with Sandra's these past 46 years. She is the unifying force in our family. Her faith and love transcends distance and differences.

Generosity and giving is not something Sandra does, giving is who she is. She is humble and does not need to be celebrated or in the spotlight. She prefers to be behind the scenes. It is her loving presence that ripples out in waves of joy. She is unaware of her power. Her humility and sacrifice is not always understood. Sandra is the beacon that guides my life.

Education benefits everyone

Education benefits everyone. Public education was originally structured to create well informed citizens. Throughout my lifetime (73 years) it has created our society. 

We have evolved as humans to experience the great benefits of an educated population. Children, parents, non-parents, and all citizens benefit from education.

Every new innovation is connected to education. The conveniences of our homes originated in education. Even the shoes you walk in were created in education. 

I love to pay my fair share for education because I love well-informed, thinking, and compassionate human beings.

Love is timeless

What I have come to learn in the grief process these past few months, is that my tears, my grief, are sourced from love.

My grief originated in love. Without love there would be no grief. So when I cry, or my beautiful wife apologizes for her tears, I simply smile and say ''it's love.''

Love consumes my grief. 

Love encompasses all my feelings. 

Love endures.

Love even crosses the boundary called death.

Love is timeless.

Follow what fills you

Unfollow the feeds that make you feel unworthy or inferior. 

Follow the feeds that fill your heart and soul. 

Follow what is real, transparent, authentic, and vulnerable. 

When we follow what brings us joy and connection, we are flooded with joy and connection. 

These flood waters feed our heart and soul. 

In your daily life, unfollow what brings you down. Follow what lifts you up. 

The universe will send you all you need to thrive. 

Diversity is a biological fact and a fundamental aspect of life

We are all different. Different shapes, different sizes, different colors, different ethnicities, different faiths, different beliefs, different behaviors, and different thought patterns. Some of us are aggressive, some assertive, some passive, some passionate, some compassionate, and some are creative and innovative.

Some of us are scientists, some artists, some farmers, some mechanics, some teachers, counselors, bankers, doctors, and lawyers. Some of us are extraverts, risk-takers that boldly go for what we want. Some of us are introverts, deep and quiet thinkers that ponder intently before we act. 

We are all beautifully different.

and

We are all human.

Live in Integrity

Having gone through the transformation of life-altering heart surgery, my passion for life is growing stronger. My authenticity, transparency, and vulnerability are building the courage to face the upcoming challenges of life. I will not retreat back to the old patterns of approval-seeking and staying quiet to appease the louder voices. I seek to live in integrity. 

I live a life of meaning. Meaning is experienced when we are connected to spirit and live our truth. No matter the challenge, we know we are supported from within. Even when uncertain, we live our life on purpose. 

I have learned to trust my inner voice. I am learning the difference between my spirit voice and my ego's desires and fears. 

My ego searches for happiness. My spirit knows life is about finding meaning. I have been through hard times, and I have learned that meaning is found by going through the hard times. 

The meaning brings me to the spiritual. My spirituality teaches me how to grow. Growing deeper and further. 

Living life

Every day spend some time in reflection. In the morning, prepare for the day. Pray to be of service. In the evening, reflect on the lessons and learnings of your day. What touched my heart and soul today? What fueled my passion? How did I serve the greater good today?

We are partners with life. We are in an ongoing relationship with life and life invites us to show up and be present, be aware, be responsible. How will we respond? How will we serve life?

We must reclaim our inheritance of resilience and endurance. We are designed, as our ancient ancestors, to survive any trauma.

We tap back into our wellspring of story. Our story that brings meaning and purpose to our life. We are not what has happened to us. We are our story and we can recreate our story and our life.

"If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you." - Gospel of Thomas

We must recover our sense of responsibility and accountability. We must shift from focusing on what has happened to us, to what wants to be born in us. Giving birth to our spirit requires courage. I have always found "the still, small voice" knows what is right for me. It nudges me forward, like the blade of grass that grows through the concrete. There is no barrier that spirit cannot move through.

"...not my will, but thine, be done." - Jesus of Nazareth

A life of meaning

I have always sought to live a life of meaning. I have always felt that "meaning" is the secret of life. A meaningful life brings us joy and health. 

Embedded in my life of meaning are my values. I believe it is essential to reflect on your values and be aware of how your value system dictates your choices and behaviors. A deeper exploration and sharing of our core values can bring us closer together. Happiness and health are the result of living by our core values. 

My growth process has been cultivated by disappointments, losses, and some degree of trauma. I have also been blessed to be surrounded by great love. I have grown through the death of my best friend at 18 years old. I was witness to his slow and painful death from pancreatic cancer. I was traumatized by a football injury to my kidneys as a college freshman. Away from home, in a strange hospital, sedated by morphine, I lost around 30 days of my life. The love of my new friend Joe became a lifetime friendship. He told me he visited daily. I don't remember. 

The birth and life of our special needs daughter Ashley has brought me through multiple life and death experiences. It has also brought me to unconditional love. God's love, Sandra's love, and Ashley's unconditional loving presence. It has always been my core values of love and commitment that carried me through. 

Today I notice that some folks say they would like to go back to the way it was. I imagine that means the 1950s. The nostalgia is remembering that the life experience of our parents and our childhood was somehow better than today. What we fail to remember, life, "in those days" didn't give women a voice, minorities were struggling to have a voice, and on many occasions, struggling to stay alive. In our fantasy of the past, it is easy to look the other way. To not see the poverty, racism, and sexism. 

In our climate of cultural unrest, we must reflect on the following:

- Who you are is essentially your core values and how you put into action those core values. 

- We are not defined by the judgments of the outer world; we are not our degrees, bank accounts, cars, or homes. 

- Life has always depended on good people doing what is right for the greater good of all humanity. 

So we all have a job to do. Find your place, find your role, and take compassionate action. Educate, counsel, and heal our children, support the healthcare workers, police, fireman, teachers, and all those on the front lines of caring. 

Our future is asking of us to show up. Show up physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, and spiritually. The goal of life is not happiness. Happiness comes and goes like the weather. Meaning is the key to a fullfilling life. 

Ashley

You were and can continue to be the soul of our family. 

You did not join this life easily and you left us much too soon. 

I hear your voice in my silent prayers and you whisper "I love you" in the gentle breeze. You brought the quiet joy of unconditional love into our home, and you brought the light of Divine wisdom.

I still see God's footprints on your bedroom floor.

Your essence is at the heart of my life's greatest mystery. Where you came from, and where you went, I don't really know. But I know the universe is a better place with you in it. Your love left a piece of divinity in each of us. You were always home with God. 

You changed the world, not by what you said and did, but by the quality of your soul. You served the world by pulsating unconditional love. You were joined with Divinity and brought peace to each and every day. 

Storytelling and Listening

I love storytelling. I love telling my stories and I love listening to your stories. I always find common ground. 

I find storytelling to be a healing process. The process of storytelling is at best, a relational process. There is the storyteller and the listener. The listener is essential to the storytelling process. If there is no listener, there is no understanding.

"Listening, in and of itself, is healing. " - Dr. Yvonne Kaye

Listening asks us to be open, patient, and humble. We must be fully present. Turn off the cell phone, put away the shopping list, and focus on the storyteller. When we listen, we step empathetically into the life of the storyteller. And as storytellers, we seek to be understood by the listener.

This process is called unity.

As a storyteller, I open my heart and place it in your hands. I dare to believe you are listening and you want to be understood.

I dare to hope.

Tell your story

“Whoever survives a test, whatever it might be, must tell the story. That is his duty.” - Ellie Weisel

Living my life and not being able to see my beautiful special needs daughter Ashley, is an ongoing test. Throughout her life, I loved that part of my responsibility, and joy was to share her story. Now that she is no longer with us in physical form, I feel even more compelled to share her story. 

When we tell our story, and the stories of our departed loved ones, we affirm life. We affirm our lives together. We affirm the walks in her wheelchair, the days at the beach, the special moments when she touched someone’s life and the miraculous moments when she survived all the medical challenges.

When I tell her story, I am aware that my grief subsides a little and my healing continues. Telling Ashley‘s story has also been a gift to all those that listen. It is in this story sharing that we feel our deep kinship. We give others the permission to share their stories and we feel unity. 

We share moments of hope, support, faith, and compassion. 

Tell your story. 

Forgiveness

We must stop identifying with the experiences in life that have hurt. We must take the greatest risk of all - love ourselves. If we keep the pain of hurt and resentment fresh, we will keep our wounds from healing. In this condition, we will not heal. 

Forgiveness has deep rewards. The depth of forgiveness substitutes peace for resentment. Our wounds begin to heal with forgiveness and life begins anew. 

The origin of the word "forgive" means to both give and receive. To "give for". The inner experience of forgiveness is to return to the flow of life. 

The flow of giving and receiving.

Peace.

Love…

Love is more than an emotion. Love is a state of self awareness. Love is how we walk through the world. Love is how we see ourselves and how we see everyone else. We may find our love for God in a beautiful tree, a flowering garden, a loving pet, or a deep and intimate friendship. 

When we focus on loving service to others, we triumph over our selfishness. The more love we give, the more love we have to give. 

Begin your loving practice by mentally wishing others a peaceful and loving day. 

Love brings peace and joy. 

Listen

It is who you are, not what you know that brings peace and healing. 

Let us open our hearts to the presence of unconditional love. Open your heart like a loving sponge and listen, listen, and listen some more. 

"Listening, in and of itself, is healing." - Dr Yvonne Kaye