I have been feeling...

I have been feeling "How is it that I am here, and Ashley is not?" I see her everywhere. In my office, in the spot where her wheelchair sat, in her bedroom where we prayed together and still do. She is here and yet not. Her soft, deep, brown eyes. Her baby-smelling hair. Her little tiny fingers. Her perfect little nose.

The sun still comes up in the morning. The moon still moves through its cycles. We still get mail. Traffic is still busy. Everyone is rushing somewhere and I wonder where do I want to go? I am disoriented. I am confused. She is here, but not here. I want to scream at disinterested people passing by. "Don't you know my precious angel is gone?" "Do you know how it feels to have unconditional love taken from you?"

So I stumble in my new life, knowing she is in her new life, blessing and loving me as she always has, and always will.

I know unconditional love can never be taken from you. It just moves through you in a different form.