Connection and Community are essential to our well being

In the past 5 years I am finding more adult students in our masters courses and Professional Development programs are genuinely excited to be invited into an authentic community building experience.

Psychology and physiology tell us we need each other to be healthy and thrive.  We need true community for health and happiness.  We gather to celebrate our shared humanity and we gather to heal our shared wounds. 

Community and connection promote health while "isolation fosters stress, disease and death.  Social isolation is as dangerous as smoking, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, obesity and lack of exercise." - James House, University of Michigan

Connection and Community are essential to our well being.

Fear and Loving

I am aware there are two distinctly different sides of my being.  There is the fearful side that moves away from what I do not understand and there is the loving and welcoming side that invites what I do not understand to come closer so I can learn and grow.

The fearful part of me looks for safety, security, consistency, and normality.  The open and loving part of me preaches trust, kindness, compassion and empathy.  The fearful part of me needs constraints and walls.  The loving part of me needs connections and relationships. 

I have had moments when my fear turns to anger.  In this anger fueled fear, I want to protect, run and hide, and sometimes fight.  I am grateful that my life has been filled with more moments of welcoming, trust, compassion, wonderful new learning, teamwork and community building.  This interdependence is creative, innovative and forgiving.  I pray to "be the change you want to see in the world." - Gandhi

I pray for the courage to trust when I am afraid.

I pray for the ability to listen when I don't understand.

I pray for the willingness to connect when I feel alone.

I pray for the building of bridges when I am surrounded by walls.

What really matters?

"What we do when our arm is raised, about to strike or soothe, will determine the next hundred years." - Mark Nepo

"We are one gesture away from being the cruelty that we have suffered or one kindness from helping each other heal." - Mark Nepo

We need to ask ourselves, what really matters?  We need to ask each other, what is essential?  We then must lovingly challenge each other to live the answers.  We must lean towards each other.  As we lean into each other, we create a support system that nurtures our common core beliefs.  The common core beliefs of life and community have always held human kind together.  Humanity always comes together in tragedy.  Great loss brings great love.

We are more alike than we are different.  "We are hardwired for connection." - Brene Brown.  Life teaches us to contribute to the good of the whole.  In isolation, we die.  In unity, we live.

In our human DNA there is empathy, compassion, collaboration and respect.  These characteristics are essential to our humanity.

As we repair the world, we repair ourselves

As we repair our personal worlds, we repair our wounded world

Together we heal

Cutting edge physics teaches us that there is no, single privileged point of view.  No single perspective holds the entire truth.  When we hold fast to a single point of view, we are damaging and often disrespectful.  Life is a unified whole.  We can only come to truth through relationship, connection and the willingness to understand other points of view.  

Einstein's theory of relativity and the core of all spiritual beliefs teaches that we are more together than alone.  We need to start to live the truth of our connection.  We need to recover the desire to build community.  We need to heal!  We must gather together in community to heal our social and emotional wounds.  

Moments

"The best portion of a good man's life, his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love." - William Wordsworth

Moments.  Our life and all that is meaningful is made up of moments.  Moments of saying hello or good morning to strangers passing on the street.  A smile to someone who looks troubled.  A breath of fresh air on a cool day.  Sharing a laugh with an acquaintance.  Holding your loved ones hand in a grip that feels exquisitely familiar.  Smelling your loved ones hair and remembering.  All our human moments.  These are the moments I will remember when it is time to leave this life.  

Let us all make more moments.  Before we engage in business, let's ask about family and health.  Let's give compliments to those who serve us every day.  Take nothing or no one for granted.

Be aware of all the moments that have touched your life.  Our values and core beliefs help us create new moments.  Let us all create new moments full of meaning and joy.

We can only find love and acceptance in each other

Everyone in this world is looking for love and acceptance.  Everyone is doing the best they can with what they know.  Everyone is stumbling through life with as much courage and integrity as they possibly can.

I continue to learn that our attitude towards our fellow humans can not be to judge or condemn.  No matter how much they have hurt me, no matter how painful their mistake, I need to remember, if they knew better, they would have done better.

"Father forgive them for they know not what they do." - Jesus Christ

Most of my judgements or condemnations are assumptions.  Whenever I am emotional and judgmental, I feel myself becoming physically and emotionally unhealthy.  We can not hold someone down in our hearts and minds without going down with them. 

I find that after a period of judgement, I must discipline myself to remember the good.  I must remember when I was forgiven and the grace I felt after receiving someone's open hearted forgiveness.  Someone was willing to accept my faults and see the best version of me.  I need to extend the same gift. 

We can only find love and acceptance in each other.  

We are all doing the best we can with what we know.

In each individual is the seed of Divinity. 

Sandra and Ashley

Sandra and I have been married for 40 years.  On of my favorite things to do is sit next to her on the couch and hold her close.

I have watched in awe as Sandra has cared for Ashley, our special needs daughter, for the past 35 years.  Ashley's initial diagnosis in the first few months of her life was "severely, profoundly retarded."  I know that term is no longer politically correct.  It is however the language that pierced our hearts 35 years ago.  Ashley is developmentally 2 months old.  She cannot move her body.  She can not speak.  She is tube fed.  She has on average 4 seizures a day.  She needs medicine 4 times a day.  She needs oxygen and suctioning often and she must have her diaper changed a few times a day.

My wife Sandra is a saint to our daughter.  Ashley is an angel.  I do not write these words figuratively.  I mean them literally.  I have been witness to this unconditional, divine love for 35 years.  Sandra and I were told early in Ashley's development "she will never be normal."  "She will never be successful."  "She will never be useful or productive."  "She will never meet any societal standards."  Through Sandra's love and Ashley's divine presence, we have risen above the limiting beliefs and cruel diagnosis that would make someone feel less valuable and invisible.  We have been blessed to participate in a Divine reality of unconditional love.  Ashley is a very precious soul.  She has profound value in her quiet, peaceful existence.  She is cherished by Sandra and I and our extended family and friends.  She is cherished as a precious child of God.

To be in Ashley's presence, you feel close to God.  There is a palpable unconditional loving presence.  When you are in the presence of a soul who does not know judgement, who values you solely for who you are, not what you do, you can be fully authentic.

There is a blessed freedom that we feel when we can be our true self.  You feel that freedom, blessing, and grace in Ashley and Sandra's presence.

"It's just business"

This is the biggest falsehood in human interaction

Business is human interaction

Business is winning and losing
Business is growing and declining
Business is acquisitions, mergers, transitions, closures

Trust is an essential ingredient in human business and human interaction
To earn trust, we must extend trust
We must believe in the goodness of people
We must lead with our hearts as well as our heads

"Every single employee is someone's son or daughter.  Like a parent, a leader of a company is responsible for their precious lives." - Bob Chapman

A successful business- is not just business- it is a family.  We need to treat people like family, not as employees.  We are in a relationship and relationships are the essence of human growth and development.

We need to rebuild schools- not as a business- but as a family.

We need to rebuild schools, that have as their highest priority, the care of human beings.

Commitment

No matter what country we originated from, no matter what our skin color, no matter what or whom we pray to, no matter what language we speak, we all want to be respected, cared for, acknowledged and valued.  Beneath all of our fear and shadow, we are at our core, kind.  We have more in common than we are different.  We all need connection.  We all want to belong.  We all want to be understood.  We all need to be loved.

I am committed to caring for every life that enters my life.  I am committed to keeping my heart open.  I am committed to transparency, vulnerability, authenticity, gratitude, empathy, compassion, and forgiveness. 

I am committed to speaking my truth.  I am committed to listening to your truth.  I am committed to getting back up when I fall.  I am committed to helping you up when you fall.

I am committed to "One nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for All."

Soft Skills

People often reference Social Emotional Learning (Emotional Intelligence and Social Skills) as soft

I find this minimizing and disrespectful.

The so called soft skills are in effect the Essential skills of being a human being.

The Essential human skills have transformed humanity from prehistoric fight or flight beasts to the infinite possibilities of today.

The Essential skills have helped us survive every war and helped negotiate every peace.

The Essential skills helped humanity end slavery and apartheid.

The Essential skill help us care for the environment and each other.

These are the skills of Jesus, Buddha, St. Francis, Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr., and Mother Teresa.  

These are the Essential skills of forgiveness, gratitude, kindness, connection, courage, compassion, empathy, understanding, serenity, and love.

These are the Essential skills needed to be fully human.

Communication, Communion, Community and Unity

This past week I had the privilege to work with an old friend and 70 educators on the topic of communication.  The word communicate has its origin in the latin commun; meaning "common."  Ideally, when we communicate, we share our understanding of what we have in common.  The word communion shares the same origin.  In communion, we have a shared experience.  The word community also has its roots in the latin word commun.  Community contains the word unity.  Human evolution and human possibilities are reflected in each of these words.

We need to focus on what we have in common.  We need to seek understanding so we can find common ground.  We need to look for opportunities to experience communion.  I believe these actions and intentions will lead us to building community.  In this process, we will experience unity.

Our great ancestors survived because they cared for one another.  We are part of a great legacy of bonding together for survival.  Fear used to bring us together to stay safe in our caves with our clans.  Now fear creates hate which tears us apart.  There is no security in racism, sexism, bullying or harassment.  Security will never be formed in separation.  The only safe and sane responses to challenges of our time are Communication, Communion, Community and Unity.

"Community Unity Mural" - by F. Michelle Santos - Baltimore, MD

Disrupt the cycle of anger, hatred, and violence

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." - Martin Luther King Jr.

If we meet anger, hatred, and violence with a similar response than we are a part of the pain that this creates.  We need to listen with a sincere intention to understand.  This process of leaning into the unknown and seeking to understand will disrupt the intensity of discord.

I grew up in the 50's and 60's with a Father who taught me about equity and justice.  I listened as he acknowledged and affirmed my first mentor, my little league baseball coach. Mr. Bell was a African American man, who was a role model of citizenship, respect, trust, caring and responsibility. He was my first hero next to my Dad.  In a time of a segregated lunch counters, I listened and read as my Dad wrote an editorial in our local town newspaper about how he respected and cared for Mr. Bell and how happy he would be, if he could not be my father, that Mr. Bell would be the father he would have chosen for his son.

My father was a small part of the civil rights movement in my little town in New Jersey.  We can disrupt the cycle of racism, anger, hatred, and violence by letting our humanity come shining through.  We need to listen, speak and act with compassion, understanding, and love for all humanity.

"Today, it's all about WE."

"We live in a world where everything is connected.  We can no longer think in terms of us and them when it comes to the consequences of the way we live.  Today, it's all about WE." - Gregg Braden

We must take our essential learnings of connection, authenticity, courage and compassion and apply them in the world.  The world begins in our homes, neighborhoods, schools, work places, states and country.  Fear is the source of anger.  Fear and anger undermine the essence of being human.  There is no scenario where anger works to anyone's advantage.  In fear, anger and violence, we all lose.

The survival of our world and of our lives will not be found in fear, anger and hatred.  The loudest voice does not always win.  We need to recall our existence depended upon, and still depends upon, our ability to cooperate.  We need to connect.  We need to listen.  We need to understand.

We need to stop looking through the eyes of fear.  We need to stop our obsession with us versus them.  We are here together.  Billions of us on this round blue ball.  In my unconditional loving God there is a welcoming, accepting spirit.  We are all one with different expressions of God's exquisite uniqueness.  We can touch the world instantly.  We can show love by a look, a gesture, a smile, a handshake, a hug, a phone call, an email, a tweet, a snap and a text.  We can also show love by being quiet in prayer and meditation.  Breathe a message of love and change the world.

Mentoring

Since my career as an educator and human services professional began at age 20, I have always been blessed to work with people younger than I am.  In the past 46 years, I have worked with talented, passionate people who are often younger in years but not in wisdom.  Wisdom for me has never been at the top of the graduate school hierarchy.  It has always been in the heart, soul and body of each individual life story.

I find joy in connecting young and old; in finding answers to social and educational challenges.  The energy is abundant and effervescent.  I believe we need to join together to address our shared responsibility for the future.  Together, we are the future.  We are our future.

I love mentoring young adults.  Mentoring is a two way street.  This mentality allows us to inspire the best in each other.  I love helping people find their voice.  There is great reward and meaning in sharing the authenticity and vulnerability of our voice.  As mentors, we have the honor and privilege to create a safe and emotional space for a young voice to blossom and feel its truth.

In young voices are sounds of hope.  We need the sound of hope, now!  I am inspired by youthful voices.  I am inspired by hope.  We need to be inspired, now!

We must knock down all of our perceived walls of difference and 

meet together in a safe emotional space.  

From this safe space, we will create wisdom.

Sanctuary

Sanctuary in it's original meaning, is a sacred place.  It is historically seen as a place of relief and safety.  In challenging times, people have often sought physical and emotional safety.  We live in those challenging times now.

Sanctuary is essential to life.  Sometimes I find it in the pages of a book.  Often I find it in a meditation, prayer, and the loving listening of a friend.  I always find sanctuary in the loving arms of my wife Sandra and the loving presence of our daughter Ashley.  Seeking sanctuary is not optional.  Today we are often overcome by rushing, pressure, stress, us versus them, hate speech, racism, and sexism.  We all need sanctuary to recover from the oppression of violence.

Here is a beautiful song by Carrie Newcomer "Sanctuary"

https://www.newcomerpalmer.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/06-Sanctuary.mp3

Peace