Ashley

My beloved daughter Ashley is labeled "developmentally delayed."  When she was first diagnosed over 34 years ago at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, the label was "severely, profoundly retarded."  Ashley has the physical abilities of a 2 month old infant.  She looks to me to be about 10 years old.  She can not speak.  She can not consciously move her body.  She is tube fed.  She is either in her "pink" wheelchair or in her bed.  She averages 4 seizures a day.  That is a good day.

Ashley is my role model.  She is pure, innocent, she has no defenses.  She can not say no, don't do that to me.  She can not raise her arm to protect herself.  She can love.  She can emulate love like an angel.  She is a gift from God.  One of my favorite things to do is pray and meditate with Ashley.  I find peace in her unconditionally loving presence.

It is because Ashley is so challenged and vulnerable, I have learned to openly share my challenges and vulnerability.  I reveal my own imperfections and share my frailties without shame.

Ashley draws people to her.  They approach with curiosity, gentleness, genuine caring and affection.  She has an innate wisdom that emanates from her as a loving, welcoming spiritual presence.  Her life has been a life of loving and being loved.

Ashley may be delayed developmentally but she is advanced spiritually.  

I find deep peace seeing the world through her innocent eyes.

The Right Thing is Kind, Respectful and Empowering

I truly believe that most human beings want to do the right thing.  I believe the right thing is kind, respectful and empowering.  We need to believe in each other's good.  We need to practice acts of kindness and gratitude.  Our wealth is in the spiritual.  Our spiritual wealth is unlimited.  It has no bounds.

The goodness of life, our spiritual wealth, belongs to everyone.  The goodness of life is inclusionary.  No one is left out.  The more good we give, the more good we receive.  We are all part of the whole.  We are all connected to the infinite.  Let our interactions be conscious of this Divine union.  Let us practice unity consciousness until it is manifested in our daily lives. 

Kindness is not a luxury, it is a necessity

Practicing kindness is good for our psychology and good for our physiology.  Practicing kindness is good for the recipient and good for the giver.

Dr. David Hamilton shows in his research that human beings are hard wired to be kind, and our physical bodies are at their peak of health when we practice kindness.  It has been repeatedly proven that our bodies respond to, and need kindness.

"Being kind actually changes the internal biochemistry of your body." - Dr. David Hamilton

Kindness increases our positivity and leads to better physical health and inward happiness.  

Our survival as human beings has historically and continually been dependent upon the kindness of others.  Human beings survive because we are kind and because we show kindness.  Kindness is a matter of common sense.  By practicing kindness, we ensure our benefit and the benefit of our loved ones and community.  Our health and happiness is inherently connected to the health and happiness of others.  

Cruelty and violence make the news headlines because they are the exception.  The world evolves because we take care of each other.  Compassion after natural tragedies proves life goes on precisely because we are kind to each other.

Kindness is not a luxury, it is a necessity.

What qualities of God do you possess?

Jesus taught the truth of love and forgiveness.  He also taught that we are intimately connected to Divinity.  God is always with us.

Each of us are a gift from God.  Let us reflect the qualities of Jesus, who is one of the great teachers of humanity.  What God given qualities that Jesus possessed do you also possess; love, forgiveness, belief, truth, trust, empathy, compassion, healing, passion, courage?  Where do you feel most connected?

We are all expressions of Divinity.  As we let our highest self shine through, others will feel our compassion, forgiveness and kindness. 

Love will be our legacy.

When we recognize the qualities in God that we admire, we recognize our own qualities or our potential.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the fragrance of the violet which still clings to the heel that crushed it.

- George Roemisch

Forgiveness is one of the essential human social, emotional skills.  In my experience, it includes humility and acceptance of my very human frailties.  I am aware of my ability to make a mistake and I need to remember that those who have hurt me, are also human, and make mistakes.  

As I learn and practice forgiveness, I offer understanding and freedom to those that have injured me and I offer freedom to myself.

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.

- Lewis B. Smedes

Forgiveness sets us free to accept the situation that happened, to let go of past hurt and anger.  Forgiveness sets us free to focus on our future, our dreams and our passions.

I pray that my behavior is consistent with my core values of love, compassion, empathy and integrity.  I want to continue to live my life on purpose, serving God and the children and educators of our schools.  I want to continue bringing down walls and building bridges.

Self Reflection

I love self reflection.  This humble assessment is the beginning of growth and development.  When we focus internally, we find the reason we were born.  Our purpose is to serve.

"The only journey is the one within."

- Rilke

"In fact, my soul and yours are the same.  You appear in me, I in you.  We hide in each other."

- Rumi

"I am in the Father, and you are in me, and I am in you."

- Bible

We walk together when we walk with God.  We are all connected to Divinity.  Move with reverence for all life.  Build and rebuild relationships.  Rejoice, every face you see is the face of God.

Serve Others

I find that to retain and or build my belief in myself, 

it is important to help others build their belief in themselves.  

If you wish to experience joy, 

help others experience joy.

If you wish to experience acceptance, 

then be accepting of those that are different than you.

If you wish to feel forgiveness, 

then be forgiving.

If you wish to feel safe and secure, 

then help others to be safe and secure.

If you want to feel valued, 

then help others to be valued.

If you want to experience friendship, 

then be a good friend.

If you want to be at peace, 

then help others find peace.

If you want to be loved, 

then give love.

Whatever we want for ourselves, 

we must help others find the same.

Neuroscience Supports Social Emotional Learning

Richard Davidson, a neuroscientist, has integrated neuroimaging research into a unified theory of the happy brain.  Davidson explains that there are 4 independent brain circuits that influence our lasting health and wellness.

The first circuit is "our ability to maintain positive states."  Spiritual teachers like the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu say that love and compassion is the way to happiness.

The second brain circuit is responsible for "our ability to recover from negative states."  This supports the work of resiliency which is flourishing in our school programming.

The third circuit is "our ability to focus and avoid mind wandering."  This is mindfulness, meditation, and contemplation.  Our friends Brain Aikens, Jessie McFarland and Josh Gansky are teaching children and adults this essential skill and it clearly impacts health and well-being.  Neuroscience proves the ability to focus attention is fundamental.

The fourth circuit is "our ability to be generous."  This is wonderful and powerful.  We have an entire circuit in our brain devoted to generosity.  We feel good when we are kind, loving and giving.  We also feel good when we are treated with kindness, love and generosity.  We also know those that witness kindness, love and generosity also feel healthier and happier.

Neuroscience proves, as human beings, we are hardwired for compassion, generosity, love and resiliency.

- Adapted from "The Book of Joy" by His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu, 2016

Relationships and their teachings

"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not twist them to fit our own image.  Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them."

- Thomas Merton

Relationships teach us everything about life.  We soar, we fall, we love, we anger, we find truth and betrayal, we are compassionate and we can be cruel.  I believe we must continually open the door to our hearts and minds to learn and to heal.  Every lesson teaches, every lesson transforms.  Spirit teaches us.  We are all one.  We are all beloved.

Kindness

If you see someone being courageous, let them know.  They might be moving through a tremendous amount of doubt and challenge.  If you see someone being compassionate, let them know.  They may be coming through a time of sadness or loss.  When we reach out and share our love we help others see how lovable they truly are.  Kindness is the strongest cure.

Kindness is one of the most powerful forces in the universe.  Bright and warm as the sun, it melts the ice and snow of betrayal, anger, hurt and distrust.  Kindness is the antidote to broken relationships.  When we have been hurt and wounded, as we repair, we are best served by being kind.  When given an opportunity to recommit, speak with kindness.  When attempting to let go and move ahead, act with kindness.  With kindness, we start to soften.  With kindness, we see perspective.  With kindness, we can stand in our truth.  With kindness, we can claim our integrity.  With kindness, we become one.

Everyday is your Birthday

Today is a special day.  Today we honor a singular event in the history of the world.  Your birth brought love and kindness to the world.  Your life has blessed hundreds of other lives.

Today is your birthday.  Choose how you wish to celebrate.  Dance and sing with joy or peacefully give thanks.  Do whatever is meaningful to you.  Do whatever brings you joy.

You are a gift.  Your unique talents, skills and visions make a difference in the world.  You are a rare and beautiful gift from God.  You have touched many lives and the world is a bit better because you are here.

Thank you for your courage.  Thank you for accepting the challenges of life.  Every time we are vulnerable and authentic, we give others permission to be courageous and do the same.  This is freedom.  This brings us close to each other and close to God.

Today, count your blessings, who has loved and supported you?  What grace have you received?  What beauty have you seen?  What wisdom have you earned?  What strength have you garnered?

Thank God for your love, your life, your health and your happiness.  You are blessed.

Follow the still, small voice of spirit.  Follow your path.  Listen to your heart's desire.  Believe in yourself as God believes in you.

"Let me keep surrendering myself until I am utterly transparent." - Psalm 19, Stephen Mitchell translation

I strive to stay open, be authentic, be real.  In staying open, we are choosing to be vulnerable.  Brene Brown reminds us that vulnerability is the birth place of human greatness.  Spirit asks us to be receptive.  By letting life in, we trust the process.  Life is continually building and breaking down and we are part of this process.  The challenge is staying open, renewing our trust and being transparent.  I am still learning and that is the process of life.

Kindness Evolution

We are united.  

I am in you, you are in me.  

When our egos are worn down, it is hard to tolerate narcissism.  

When humbled, it is a challenge to be around self centeredness.  

Our service to others burns away all elitism.  

Kindness is the next evolutionary norm.  

Giving and receiving in love transforms us.  

We are lovable, we are loving, and we all make mistakes.  

Mistakes are simply another opportunity to be kind to yourself and others.

The Work

It is not easy to stand in front of a group of people and share your heart.  It is not easy to be vulnerable and share your dream, and that is what I have always done.  

I will turn 66 in May.  My life has been a life of shared joy, passion and positivity with schools, teachers, students, administrators and parents.  I have shared my dreams and passion with anyone kind enough to listen.  Listeners in large auditoriums, lecture halls, and classrooms.  I have always done my best to answer the call.  Airplanes, trains, and automobiles and sometimes a good long walk.  If you asked, I was there.

I was a young man when this started.  Sharing a passion more ancient than my years.  I am an older man now, knowing that the "Work" still is not complete.  I am renewed everyday in the "Work."  Every face I've seen, every hand I have held, every heart I've touched is a part of me.

My message now comes from a place deep in my soul.  The Work comes from a place that has known decades of life and death.  The Work now comes from a place that only those courageous enough to be vulnerable and authentic understand.  The Work is always about compassion, courage, empathy, connection and service.

I have always loved the work.
I have always loved you; listener, student, friend.
I have always loved my friends.
I have always loved my family.
Somedays I am barely able to stand.
Most days I am thrilled to be able to walk.
I am still sharing the message.
I am still answering the call.
I am here with you, my voice, my heart, my soul.
After 45 years on the road, I am still here.
The road is long, dark, cold, ice and snow and long hours away from home.
I have never forgotten where I've been.
I am clear on where I am going.
Every speech, every class, every conversation is a step homeward.
My daughter has always been my angelic guide.
My sons continue to be my teachers.
My friends are always in my heart.
Sandra is my love.
I always find my way home.

Feel the Fear and Continue Living

Fear is an unwanted companion.  

He has taught me to be safe and he has also taught me to stop growing.

At every moment of my experience with pain, fear is there teaching both lies and truth.  In truth he reminds me how much I love this life.  I never want to lose my life and more intimately I never want those I dearly love to leave this life.  I cannot imagine life without my beloved Sandra.  And the world would hold so much less pure love without my angelic Ashley.

As I face my fear, I have learned that in my most vulnerable moments, I am my most authentic.

When in the presence of pain or stress, it is easy to see everything as an opponent to be battled.  Sometimes we see the light in the form of the cleaning lady entering your daughter's room in Intensive Care with a yellow flower in her hair and a sunny greeting in her voice.  It is then we know, in every instance we have choice.

See the pain, see the stress 

or see the blessing and feel the grace. 

We must face the fear and move forward even as we tremble.  We must feel this moment and know that this is only one moment in a great universe of truth.  The truth that is filling us, moving us forward, infusing us with courage, so we can stand in the light of a greater, more loving truth.