Do no harm

The hippocratic oath that Doctors agree to is "Do no harm."  Although this sounds passive, doing no harm is quite active.  Doing no harm involves self-awareness, self control, and kindness.

Doing no harm requires strenght of character.  We must choose to not participate in hurting anyone.

"Be kind toward anyone you meet, because they are engaged in a big battle." - Philo of Alexandria

Harmlessness and kindness require that we reflect on our thoughts as well as our actions.  Are our thoughts hostile to ourselves or others?  Are we surrendering to anger and negativity?  If we surrender to anger and negativity, we harm ourselves physically and phychologically.  Our inner condition impacts relationships.  Harmlessness also helps us grow spirtually.  It is impossible to grow our consciousness while being negative and judgemental.

Our world and each of us is in need of collaboration, kindness, respect and nonviolence.  

Compassion

Be kind; everyone you meet is struggling with something. We don’t know someone until we know them. Kindness and compassion are always a wise choice.

“Genuine compassion must have both wisdom and loving compassion. That is to say, one must understand the nature of the suffering from which we wish to free others (this is wisdom), and one must experience deep intimacy and empathy with other sentient beings (this is loving kindness).” - Barbara O’Brien

Empathy

Our nation is in need of re-focus on cooperation, social responsibility, compassion and empathy. We need to return to what unites us.  We need to celebrate our strengths through diversity. We need to remember the value and worth of every single human being. Developing empathy is our challenge. What is our common good?

“Many animals survive not by eliminating each other or keeping everything for themselves, but by cooperation and sharing.”  Franz De Wall

Hopefully we are evolving from a time when only the intellectual is celebrated and emotions are dismissed as “touchy-feely.” We need to remember “we are hardwired or connection”, Breńe Brown. We are desperate to care about each other. As mammals we survive by bonding. When we are deprived of physical and emotional caring, we die. Time with family, friends and loved ones brings us health and happiness. In times of real tragedy (9/11) we forget what divides us.

We can be a fighting group of animals.  A charismatic leader’s ability to create outside threats, stoke our fear and pit us against each other is both historically and currently, a reality. We have potential for violence and hatred. We also have great potential for cooperation, mutual caring and compassion. Neuroscience tells us that we are programmed to be empathetic. It is an automatic response. Only psychopaths are immune to the empathy response. The feeling of attachment is part of our limbic system, the feeling brain. The feeling brain connects us to family, friends and caring for others. 

To be empathetic, we need to understand the impact of our behavior on others.  “Empathy is part of our evolution.“ Dewall. We build our empathy by getting to know people, by getting closer to other’s lives and stories, by becoming familiar with their background and history. We all must take action by supporting the dignity of every human being.

You can do hard things

Our journey through life is renewed every day.  We all begin anew.  We are all immigrants traveling to a new land of experience every day.

My journey has me in a new land of significant spinal pain, daily therapy and medical intervention.  I dance with fear on a regular basis.  I am aware that fear minimizes my creativity and positive action.  I now must move beyond fear.  I am committed to move into hope and action. 

I can do hard things.  

I have been courageous in the past and I will be courageous again.  I will take action.  When we avoid hardship, we lose an opportunity to grow strength and be resilient.  I am aware that I do not seek out hardship however, I am grateful for what I have learned.  I have learned to be kind to myself and others. I have learned to be compassionate and empathic.  I have learned to be understanding.  I am currently learning to be patient with myself and others.

I can do hard things.

I am also trying to take action through the pain and hardship.  I can do what I can do.  If I can not sit, I can lie down and stretch.  If I can not walk, I can swim.  If I cannot stand in one place, I can move slowly.  I must take action.  I can read, I can write, I can spell, I can listen, I can feel and I can think.  I can be a resource for others.  I can share my life experiences.  I can help others in any way possible.  When my physical skills are limited, I can take action with my emotional, mental, soul, and spiritual skills.

I can do hard things and you can do hard things.

Believe

"It is not a matter of thinking a great deal but of loving a great deal, 

so do whatever arouses you most to love." - St. Terea of Avila

I believe in a presence, a Higher Power, an unconditional loving God.  I believe this unconditional loving presence knows me and loves me, just the way I am.  I can love when I am in the light and I am loved when I am in the shadow.

We are all worthy of this Divine love.

"Isn't it amazing that we are all made in God's image, and yet there is so much diversity among his people." - Archbishop Desmond Tutu

Affirmation

"It's the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief.  And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen." - Muhammad Ali

In some mysterious way which we are not aware of, through some process which does not explicitly reveal itself, life enters us and with this life comes an irresistible impulse to create.

We all have gifts and talents that are unique to each of us.  Affirmation, affirming our life.  

Affirming our gifts and talents takes deliberate practice.

Sincerity...

"Given Sincerity, there will be enlightenment." 

The Doctrine of the Mean - Ancient Chinese text

As I age, I continue to value sincerity.  Upon frequent assessment, I think it is one of my strengths.  I am not the smartest, certainly not the most handsome and not the most talented, but at my best, I speak from my heart.  I am sincere.

Sincerity asks us to be fully present.  Sincerity comes from the latin sin cere.  Sin cere means "without wax."

"During the Italian Renaissance, sculptors were as plentiful as plumbers, and markets selling marble and other stones were as prevalent as hardware stores.  Frequently, stone sellers would fill the cracks in flawed stones with wax and try to sell them as flawless.  Thus, an honest stone seller became known as someone who was sincere- one who showed his stone without wax, cracks and all.  

A sincere person, then, came to mean someone who is honest and open enough not to hide their flaws.  This honest stance becomes even more important when we consider, as the priest and therapist John Malecki says, that "without vulnerability, there can be no transformation." - Mark Nepo

In not hiding our cracks, we allow the light to shine through the cracks.  I believe sincerity is a stepping stone on the path to enlightenment.

"Ring the bells that still can ring

Forget your perfect offering

There is a crack, a crack in everything

That's how the light gets in"

- Leonard Cohen

For Easter Sunday

Ashley has lived longer and more vibrantly than anyone has expected.  Her life is a miracle.

She has come, in her wheelchair, to a few of my speeches and workshops.  Over the course of her 35 years I have shared her story everywhere I have spoken across the continent.  Her presence, her story and her life has touched the hearts of tens of thousands.

Ashley emanates Divine love.  She is pure in her body, mind and spirit.  She has no ego.  Her challenges are obvious.  No physical movement, no vocal ability, no ability to eat, drink or swallow.  her one ability is love, unconditional love.

We, her immediate family, have grown familiar with her routines, sleep, wake, medication, feedings, breathing treatments, percussion, transfer to wheelchair, repeat, repeat repeat for 35 years.  Ashley is open and loving to all treatment.  She is open and loving to all life.  Her deep brown eyes shine with the light of her soul.  Being in her presence is a great blessing. 

In Ashley's presence, I feel the unconditional love of Divinity.  Her warmth radiates through the room.

I have learned to never take a moment of life for granted.  It is a privilege to be in her presence.  I have learned to never hold anything back.  I tell her with each interaction, I love her and how grateful I am to still be with her these past 35 years.

Every life is a blessing.  

Let those we love know that we love them.  

Take nothing and no one for granted.

The Spiritual Life

"The spiritual life is about becoming more at home in your own skin." - Parker Palmer

I am blessed to teach classes where people want to explore their spirituality.  I have come to believe that one aspect of our spirituality is being fully authentic.  When we are integrous, authentic, vulnerable, and transparent, we are our best selves, we are spiritual.

I have experienced the spiritual holding the hand of our special needs daughter.  I have experienced the spiritual listening to the birds on an early spring morning.  I have seen the spiritual in the dust that sunlight pours through, letting me know miracles are real.

"In the world to come, they will not ask me, 'Why were you not Moses?'  

They will ask me, 'Why were you not Zusha?'"

- Zusha of Hanipoli

Our primary spiritual task is to be all God created us to be.  We do not need to aspire to be like someone else.  We only need to be all that we were designed to be.  Our spirituality resides in our authenticity. 

Being Real

A few weeks ago I had the privilege of speaking to 600 educators from Delaware and Maryland.  This is not an uncommon experience in my life.  Over the past 47 years I have often been asked to give keynote speeches and workshops.  I have never thought that what I had to offer was particularly gifted or brilliant.  I know that intellectually, I am very average.  Something that I express however resonates with most people.  I share my life experiences, my heart, my soul.  I have found that being authentic, being transparent and being real does more good than intellect, salesmanship, debate or force.  I find that being real connects.  My life connects with your life.  We are more similar than we are different.  My only intention is to do God's will and share my truth.  As I speak, I see in the eyes and faces of the audience in genuine connection.  We feel the light of our soul's sun begin to shine.  We are warmed in our authenticity and vulnerability.  We begin to grow together.  Some call this love, some compassion and some empathy.  I feel it as community.

Somehow, through the grace of God, my vulnerability and authenticity gives my listeners permission to be fully human.  We remember our innocence, we remember our sense of purpose.  We remember our joy.

My life is blessed to find the courage to be brave and speak my truth, to share the guidance of the still, small voice.  I pray for the continued courage to be brave, to be real.

Being Human

No other form of life has the depth of intellect and consciousness that human beings are privileged to experience.  The Buddhists believe it is a rare gift to be born a human.  That we as humans have the ability to write these words and read these words and feel connected emotionally through these words is rare indeed.  I never want to take the gift of this human life for granted. 

Today we are alive.  Today we share our precious and rare humanity.  

I am grateful to be here with you.  

So how will we act today?  What will we think today?  

How will we feel today?  Who will we connect with today?  

Today we have much to be thankful for.  Today we are awake.  

We are grateful to feel the warmth of the sun and the warmth of those we love.

True Education- authentic, courageous and vulnerable

My purpose in life is to be authentic, courageous, and vulnerable to the truth of my life.  I am here to follow the still, small voice.  The voice I have come to know as God.  It is that spiritual place in all of us that some call soul and others call unconditional love.  I am here to serve that place in you and in me. 

To know who we truly are, to be authentic, is knowing we are connected to the infinite.  I have come to experience that being authentic requires a lifetime of courage.  This courage, this love of life is like a gentle rain eroding the stone walls of ego. Throughout this process I have experienced moments of enlightenment.  I felt at one with Divinity while in prayer in the mountains of Idaho, praying for healing for our special needs daughter, Ashley.  The message I heard in my heart, head and soul was "She is not here to be healed, she is the healer, let her do her work."  From that moment on, I have shared this vulnerability of my daughter and our life together whenever I speak and teach.

I have come to believe that in therapy and education it is essential to focus on the courage, integrity, authenticity, and vulnerability we need to become fully human.  All the best therapists and teachers I have known help facilitate a learning and discovery process.  The learning is in the process.  The Latin root of the word education is educere.  The meaning of educere, the root of education, is to draw out and lead forth.  Education at its best, has always been about drawing out the best in our students.  It is the passionate teacher that leads forth their students into a life of passion and service. 

True education has never been about shoveling more content into the minds and hearts of children.  True education has never been about one test to find how much content they have accumulated.  True education has always been about those that teach courageously and authentically showing spirit and passion that connects with and draws out the passion and value of their students.

This does not happen with force, manipulation, authority, prizes or rewards.  It is through the integrity, warmth and love of our full humanity that we teach each other to transform into spiritual beings. 

Whole Child Educators...Stay true to our calling

As an educator, teacher, counselor, administrator, and now consultant, I always care about being effective.  Am I getting through to my audience, to my listener, to my students?

As whole child educators, we need to remember to be faithful to our mission. We need to be grateful to the gifts that we share.  We need to be grateful that the world needs our gifts.  I experience a world where children, families, and colleagues need passionate and caring educators now, possibly more than ever before.  We must never allow politics and testing to crush the spirits of the children and colleagues we cherish.

We must stay true to our calling.  We must stay true to the precious children entrusted to our care.  We know in our heart of hearts we will never accomplish our tasks in our lifetime.  When at the end of our time we can say "I was true to my calling" we can leave with a full heart.

Healing

“Healing comes with owning our wounds as the first step in any beyond them.”

- Anonymous

I believe in working together.  All of us, different, unique, abled, disabled, sharing our life stories.  Being together, sharing ourselves, seeing different perspectives, understanding and accepting.  Our pain becomes a teacher.  We become more sensitive, more caring, better able to listen, more compassionate and more empathetic.

Pain is challenging.  There are good days and bad days.  There is mild, manageable, pain and there is crippling, debilitating pain.  It moves me forward.  My priories are clear.  I am forward.  I must do what I can, while I can.  I ask for more help.  I find greater discipline. I seek deeper conversations.  I listen for deeper voices.  I find deeper meaning.

We are all here on this blue marble, hurdling through space, trying to do the best we can with what we know.

I remember one of my dear old friends who had devoted his life to recovery.  He had been abused and beaten as a child by his alcoholic father.  When I asked how he was able to forgive for all the years pain and abuse, my friend said, “He was doing the best he could with the what he knew.”

This for me still rings true as one of my greatest lessons in forgiveness and healing.

Speak your truth

"It is by risking ourselves

from one hour to another

that we live at all."

- William James

Although I do not like conflict and throughout my life, I have often tried to avoid it, there is no way to avoid conflict.  I am a passionate man and I am very passionate in my mission to serve children and schools in Social Emotional Learning.  I have found that when we are passionate in our mission, we will encounter conflict.  When I have avoided conflict with others, I have created a deadly conflict in myself.  When I have not shared my truth and passion, that same truth and passion festers inside me.  When I speak my truth and address my mission, at some point I am in conflict with those who would like me to be someone else.

The cost for being authentic is someone will disapprove.  There will be conflict with someone.  The cost of not being real, the cost of being less than myself creates a series of little deaths inside of us.  Trying to please everyone destroys our authenticity.

At 67 years old, I have to speak my truth.  Life is precious.  

Life is too short to appease everyone and suffer the little deaths that come with societal approval.