You Are The Laboratory

You are the laboratory 

   and everyday is an experiment.

Go and find what is new

   and unexpected.

- Joel Elkes

Life is a laboratory.  Every experience we have is an opportunity for learning and growth.  Every conversation is an opportunity for relationship, reflection, and intimacy.  When we share our feelings, we find companionship or a new learning.  

Sometimes we find disinterest, lack of understanding, or rejection.  These are also opportunities.  We don't all dance the same dance.  We can accept the differences in each other and still choose not to be together.  

We may also find companionship; a spiritual family member.  The wonder of meeting someone who understands our feelings, vibrates with similar energy, and wants to know us at a deeper level.

I have always treasured these moments.  I have given my life for these moments.  They always give me the courage to continue my journey into the depths of becoming known and knowing.

Your Life Is Not A Fluke

Your life is not a fluke.  Your existence is not random happenstance.  You worked hard to be here.  There is a purpose in your life.  There is a mission you are to fulfill.  No one else can do it.  It is your unique destiny.

Every feeling, every thought, every action moves us to accomplishing our ultimate goal.  We remember the good that has been done to us and our gratitude move us to hep another move through their difficulty.  We pass the good along.  We are part of an unbroken chain of love and kindness.

Service leadership is a warm feeling of empathy.  As we do good for others, we expand the good in the world of which we are a part.  Everyone is connected in God's grace.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

This powerful prayer, shared at countless support group meetings worldwide, has always been a guiding force in my life.  To me, it says: 

First, change the changeable.  What in my life, or in myself, can I change?  Do it.  

Then, accept the unchangeable. If this is not in my power to change, accept it and let go.

Finally, remove myself from the unacceptable.  Whatever or whoever is no in alignment with my value system, I must find a way to remove myself.  I can remove myself (another form of letting go) either physically, mentally, socially, emotionally, or - the best way for me - spiritually (loving detachment).  I can send love, forgiveness, and gratitude.

I work to look for these changes only in myself.  I can't change anyone; I can only change my behaviors and attitudes.  I can make peace with the past.  I can reframe an old hurt.  I can see when a past loss opened up a new opportunity for growth.  I can let go.  Again, this is with love, forgiveness, and gratitude.  

Finally, I refuse to be held hostage by negativity.  No judgment, simply discernment.  We all dance a different dance.  I am choosing the dance of love, joy, peace, and service.

Building a School Community

School Community Requirements

A community is a place where everyone works together for a common goal. In order to have a community, you need to have three things happening in your school.

• Respect - of self and others
• Responsibility -  for yourself and that of your group
• Relationships - the ability to work collaboratively in a group and set aside all your differences.

Connecting the Community and Education

Every school, like every community, has its own distinct culture, values, and

rules. By building a community in the school, teachers create a common feel

connected to others. For children to participate in a school community - to

relate positively to others and become successful learners - their basic needs for

sustenance, safety, and belonging must be met. Only after basic needs are met can

human beings crave more.

• Physiological needs - the most basic needs of living creatures. Children who are hungry think about their bellies instead of learning.
• Safety - the feeling of security, comfort, and being out of danger. When teachers create a safe classroom community, children are able to positively relate to others, explore their environment, and engage in learning.
• Belongingness - the feeling of being accepted and loved. In an effort to seek acceptance and love from adults, these children often exhibit behavior that tests acceptance. These children need adults who can create a school environment where everyone feels accepted and valued.
• Self-esteem - the sense of one’s own worth. Children who feel competent as learners are more open to new experiences, better able to empathize with others, and more willing to persevere in learning tasks than are children who consistently feel inadequate.

How to Get Your School Started

Discuss with your students about the characteristics of a team. 
Have a team building vocabulary word of the day or week, such as respect, responsibility, cooperation, dependability, loyalty, etc. 
Build lessons and activities. 
Divide your class into small groups or teams. 
Assign specific duties to each member. 
Have the group come up with a team name, symbol, logo, mascot, etc. 

Integrate team building activities into your curriculum.

* Work on a math problem as a team.
* Work on a science or social studies project as a group.

* Write a story about their team.
* Read a story as a team using buddy reading, and then present the story in play form to the rest of the class.

* Design a poster with a team name and a self portrait of each member.

* Design and decorate a classroom bulletin board on an academic theme.

For the first week or so of school, have a “question of the day” which would be a daily question that students would answer about themselves.  If time is an issue, have them pair and share their responses with a different partner each day.

A Shared Beat

If you place two living heart cells from two different people in a petri dish, they will, in time, find and maintain a third and common beat.  - Molly Vass

Hidden in our biology is the secret power of relationships.  The essence of life is to join together.
This is love.
This is life.

As our school year begins across the country, share your compassion.  It is only natural; it is what we were designed to do.  It does not matter how different we are.  Inside we all search for connection; we yearn to beat in unison with others.

Share your heart's song and invite others to sing along.

Ubuntu!

In old Africa, there is an ancient custom called Ubuntu.  

Ubuntu means “I am because you are; you are because I am…”

One of my core beliefs is unity.  We are all connected.  The spiritual teachers have taught this for thousands of year.  Now the scientists are teaching a similar message.  In our deepest pain and our greatest joy, we are all connected.  We are united.  We are one.  Ubuntu!

I see it in the eyes of a hungry child.  And in the tentative smile of the child recovering from abuse.  I feel it in the hug of the young person searching for identity.  And in the depth of those finding their voice.

It is in all teaching.  Jesus said “where two or more are gathered in my name”.  Buddha taught us compassion.  Saint Francis prayed to be an instrument of peace.

Ubuntu!  I am because you are; you are because I am…

For the 150 souls who just completed our LifeSkillsConference – 

We are united. 

We are one.

Pay Attention to Your Deepest Self

Carol Hegedus reminds us, “Our purpose is that which we most passionately are when we pay attention to our deepest selves.”

When Buddha rose from under the Bodhi tree, it is said a monk approached him in utter amazement at his luminosity and asked, “O Holy One, what are you?  You must be a God.”

Buddha, not thinking of himself as anything but present, answered, “No… not as a God,” and kept walking.

But the dazzled monk persisted, “Then you must be a Deva,” and Buddha stopped and said, “No… not a Deva,” and kept walking.

Still, the monk pursued him, “Then you must be Brahma himself!”

At this, Buddha simply uttered, “No.”

The monk, confused, implored, “Then what are you – Tell me, please – what are you?!”

Buddha could not repress his joy and replied, “I am awake.”

Cited from The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life  By Mark Nepo

We Have All Been Called To Serve

We have all been called to serve.  We are answering the call with our hearts. minds, and energy in action.  We are being led by the unconditional loving Presence.  This Divine urge is our inner desire to express life.  A desire to serve the greatest good.  Our work is to help others discover their greatness, find their voice, and share their passion.  Wholeheartedly, we give ourselves to this purpose.

If you want to others to be happy, practice compassion.  If you want to be happy, practice compassion. - Dalai Lama

"Once The Soul Awakens..."

Once the soul awakens, the search begins and you can never go back. From then on, you are inflamed with a special longing that will never again let you linger in the lowlands of complacency and partial fulfillment. – John O’Donohue

Throughout my life, and my travels, I have experienced “homesickness.” I now am aware it was not my geographical home that I was missing but my spiritual home - my heart’s longing for deep connection; my soul seeking to connect to its source. In my “aha!” moments, those humbling moments of enlightenment, I recognize the “the still, small voice” calling me home to rest in God.

"Start By Doing What's Necessary..."

Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible. – St. Francis of Assisi

As we prepare for our LifeSkills Conference this summer, focus on what is necessary for our participants. It is necessary that we create an atmosphere that ensures social and emotional safety. We must emphasize our Full Value Contract in all of our interactions 24/7. What is possible is that we bring our participants to a belief in their power, their voice, their value and unconditional love. Once they have experienced unconditional love, nothing is impossible.

We All Make Mistakes

We all make mistakes.  We have all done something that hurt someone or given our less-than-best work.  This only makes us human.  Our mistakes are learning opportunities.  They give us a chance to learn, grow, change, improve, transform.  Mistakes do not make us bad, weak, unworthy, stupid, or less than anyone else. 

We have to stop blaming ourselves and others for mistakes.  Blame is judgment.  Blame and judgment create suffering.  How much do we have to suffer?  How much blame is enough?  How long do we need to live with blame, judgment, suffering?  How much self-punishment is enough?

We need to be gentle with ourselves.  Deep reflection shows that we have punished ourselves for being human.  We were naïve, innocent, and lacked information or education.  We all did the best we could with what we knew and who we were in the moment.

We are all, at essence, a whole and perfect emanation of Divinity.  In our humanity, we are on a journey to rediscover spiritual truth.  We are not Jesus or Buddha.  We have not reached enlightenment.  The consequences of our mistakes help us learn and grow to enlightenment.  We become expressions of Divinity.  When we make mistakes, we focus on our oneness with spirit and learn from the mistake.  Take responsibility, apologize, learn, change, grow, and correct the action.  Forgive yourself and others, acknowledge we are all learning.

The Gift of Vulnerability

Some of my greatest gifts have come from my greatest challenges.  As I have witnessed our only daughter’s life and death struggles throughout her 29 years, I have come to learn our strength is found in vulnerability.  Though each of these struggles, through all the fear and grief, I have learned unconditional love, I have touched Divinity.  I have discovered the willingness to be honest and vulnerable has brought me strength wisdom and passion for life.  In her presence I feel God’s unconditional love. 

I would never have asked for this experience.  I never would have believed I had the courage, endurance, or faith.  It has been through adversity that my greatest self has been born.  The God of my understanding has birthed me to a life of empathy, compassion, wisdom, and courage.

Through my vulnerability I am connected to all life.  We all have pain, fear, and we all seek unconditional love.

God’s light shines though our daughter.  Divinity falls me with unconditional love, love that heals, comforts, and teaches me to cherish all life.

Art and Music

Art and music are not luxuries; they are essential to being human.

In this challenging economic time, many schools are seriously considering cutting out art, music, and other extracurriculars due to budget constraints.  We have been fooled into thinking that test scores are essential and only math and literacy lead to success in life.  The arts are not entertainment.  They are not something we can do without.  They are essential to our humanity.  I am much more interested in sharing a world with people who have a soul; who can sing, dance, paint, write poetry and prose, sculpt, imagine, create, and dream than I am in sharing the world with people who only know how to pass a standardized test.

Gratitude

Appreciation and gratitude moves us away from self-absorption and negativity.  It is impossible to be grateful and be sad at the same time.  In gratitude we focus on what is right, rather than what is wrong.  One discipline I have always enjoyed is creating a joy list.  All the people, places, and things for which I am grateful.  All those things that bring me joy.  Here are some items on my current list:

Nature... uplifts me.  I feel a part of the universe.  I feel nurtured.  Nature invites my child-like spirit to play.

Play... humors me.  I suffer with terminal seriousness.  So a daily dose of play and laughter is essential.

Values... guide me.  We all teach values in our daily interactions.  We are all in need of daily values guidance lessons.

Commitments... define me.  They help me remember what is essential.  They help me set priorities.  They help me know where I can make a difference.

Simplicity... focuses me.  Keep it simple. One day at a time.

Memories... touch me.  They are my emotional treasures.  They provide daily touchstones to what is important.

Miracles... inspire me.  The miracle of unconditional love.  The miracle of forgiveness.  Forgiving you and the greatest miracle, forgiving myself.

Friendship and Love... support me:  my marriage to Sandra, my children, my friends.

God, My Higher Power... loves me.  The intimate, personal relationship with unconditional love.

Making Real Change

In order to change our lives, we need to change our thinking.  We need to let go of what we think is the way and allow God’s presence to be the way we think, feel and live.  We need to realize that we (our ego) are no the ones doing the work.

As we allow ourselves to be open to the spirit we find that it is God within who is doing the work.  God within does the work that we are all called to do.  In our selfless service we experience the power of unconditional love.

You are the presence of God.

You are love made manifest in the world.

You are god’s gift to the world.

You have God-given gifts and talents to share with the world that no one but you can share.

You are a unique emanation of God.

There is no one else like you.

You are beautiful.

“ Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting;

The soul that rises with us, our life’s Star,

Hath had elsewhere its setting,

And cometh from afar,

Not in entire forgetfulness,

And not in utter nakedness,

But trailing coulds of glory do we come

From God, Who is our HOME.”

            From Wordsworth’s Intimations of Immortality