If not you, who? If not now, when?

Since surviving open heart surgery and the death of our beloved daughter Ashley, there is an inspiring truth I live with everyday. 

There is no tomorrow, only now. Now needs you. Now needs your love. Now needs your compassion, empathy, kindness, caring, and integrity. 

Now is the time to speak your truth, share your values, and be fully who God intended you to be. 

Now we must unplug from our devices and sit together in companionship and lift each other up. 

Now listen for truth. Listen for love. If you don’t hear love, there is a chance there is no truth. 

Love and truth

Listen

and choose

If not you, who? If not now, when?

Healing together

"At this point in history, it seems that we will either destroy ourselves or find a way to build a sustainable life together." - Miriam Greenspan

Learning to be fully authentic and sharing our mutual vulnerability will be our salvation. Awareness of our common pain moves us to seek ways to heal ourselves and our those around us.

We must be willing to share the truth of who we are; shadow and light. Through this honest sharing, healing is made possible. The greatest healing process is through relationships. In relationships, we learn about ourselves, each other, nature, and the universe. In this learning together, we heal. In this healing, we create community and sacred connection.

Sacred Moments

My life has been interrupted by God.

I was not ready. I had plans, things I still wanted to do. Although sometimes very challenging, our life was predictable. Medicine, seizures, breathing treatment, percussion, diaper change, oxygen, tube feed, repeat.

Then the pattern stops. It could be surgery, or an accident. For us, it was the death of our angelic special needs daughter Ashley. Everything is changed.

For those of us who have lost loved ones, we have learned that the simple gifts of life are sacred moments. Each day is a gift. Saying I love you in the morning, in the evening, often throughout the day. Appreciating every act of kindness, every kind word.

These sacred moments are the miracles of life.

You are always with us

Nothing could stop you dying, even though you had stopped the process so many times before. Even now, months later, I still have moments when I think you will return.

In your final moments here on earth, you knew we were with you. Through the painful changes your body was going through, your spirit still shined brightly. I looked deeply into your brown eyes and knew you were in another world.

I feel your love surround me. Yesterday we were in one of your favorite parks. The one with the two and half mile boardwalk where I used to push your wheelchair.

This time I had nothing to push. I was a bit lost, not being able to hold onto you. I had to find another way of walking, a new way of making my way through the world.

As I find a new way to walk without you, Mom and I see it. Pink flowers, throughout every curve and bend in the boardwalk we saw pink flowers, and we knew you were with us.

You are always with us.

She speaks to me

Our daughter's unconditional love is everywhere. It speaks to me with every heartbeat. 

I feel her love as I pass by her bedroom and see the memorial of pictures on the wall. 
I see her love in the memorial tree we planted in the front yard. 
I smell her love in the blooming lilac on the back deck. 
I hear her love in the children's laughter from our next-door neighbors. 

I feel a strange gratitude, not happiness, but a warmth that Ashley is not with me physically, she is in me spiritually.