Real Friendship

There is no real friendship until we share the personal experience of who we are.  We cannot have both truth and love in our lives until we share our truth and love, until we speak from “I” and take responsibility.  We must stop putting all our pain on “you”, on the others in our lives.  Until I take responsibility for my own mistakes, where I have stumbled and fallen; I cannot know truth or love.

I have a friend.  We have known each other for over 30 years.  We have known each other across the continent.  We have stood together in storms, never knowing if we would be safe.  We have comforted each other through accidents, illness, fear and loss.  We have held each other when our parents died.

I have loved him when he tried to hide and my words could not reach him.  He has loved me when I felt unworthy of love.  Because we dared to trust, to open our souls to each other, because we have broken to pieces in front of each other, we have the privilege of saying, as if for the first time,

“You are my friend.”

I look at him, after what for many is a lifetime, and we say, “Tell me your truth, share your love.”  Let us sit closely together, more interested in huddling together than flying away.

Having a real friend, one with whom you can share your deepest fears and greatest joy, is a form of wealth that will bring you everything you need.

To find this kind of friend, we must be this kind of friend.

What is a friend?  It is a person with whom you are truly yourself.  You do not need to be better or worse.  Just be.  When you are with him you feel as if you have been rescued from a long seclusion.  You do not have to be on guard.  You can say what you think; express what you feel.  He is never shocked or offended as long as you are authentic.  He understands the contradictions in your nature.  With your friend, you breathe free.  You can take off your coat, slip off your shoes, lay on the floor and relax.  You can be vain or vicious, fragile and soft, you rest in his ocean of loyalty.  He understands.  You do not have to be careful.  You can be still with him.  He is water, a refreshing drink, a cleansing shower.  He is the sun that warms you to the bone.  He understands.  You have walked with him, sinned with him and prayed with him.  He sees you, he knows you, he loves you.

With a true friend, you dare to be yourself.