"Intimate attachments to other human beings are the hub around which a person's life revolves...From these intimate attachments a person draws his strength and enjoyment of life and, through what he contributes, he gives strength and enjoyment to others." - John Bowlby
"Neuroscientists now understand that this attunement- this mysterious alignment of minds- is, in fact, the central ingredient in secure attachment...it is the very essence of connection." - Stephen Cope
This intimate attachment, attunement, alignment and connection is exactly what I feel with and for my wife, Sandra. Sandra has the ability to perceive the needs of others. She understands their concerns and challenges and responds with compassion and love. Sandra lets us know that we are needed in the world. She assures us that we are accepted, just the way we are.
We all need this kind of secure attachment. We all need one unconditional loving soul to share the moments of our life. We only need one. That one could be in a moment or they could be in a lifetime. Whatever the experience, this secure attachment acts as a repair kit.
"There is the possibility of connection and repair everywhere...The self is profoundly self repairing. Like a seed, the self seeks the ground in which it can grow." - Stephen Cope
"Whether we pull things apart or put things together makes all the difference."- Mark Nepo
Human history provides numerous examples of pulling things apart and putting them back together. Our planet and our very lives are now challenged because of our history and current practices of pulling things apart. This pulling apart nature comes from a desire to gain and conquer, and an overwhelming desire to win and own. The desire to put back together has its origins in reflection and humility. There are some today who want to exclude and tear apart and there are others who wish to include and sew together.
We all have these dual tendencies. Sometimes I feel the need to build and in that building process some things (some relationships) are pulled apart. More often I feel the need to unify, connect and heal. I seek to join together.
My challenge in seeking balance is to take time in reflection.
Is my intention to pull apart or put back together?
"It is not more business that should be our goal. It must be to bring people back to...the warmth of community, to the worth of individual effort and responsibility...and of individuals working together as a community, to better their lives and their children's future." - Robert F. Kennedy
"Each of us must rededicate ourselves to serving the common good. We are a community. Our individual fates are linked; our futures intertwined. And if we act in that knowledge and in that spirit together, as the Bible says, "we can move mountains." - Jimmy Carter
I admire how we come together in times of natural disasters and national threats. We are a resilient people. I experience this often. I watch as my wife has cared for our special needs daughter for the past 37 years. I admire my youngest son as he happily plows 3 neighbor's driveways every snow storm. I am grateful for those who work with and for me who help me when I am physically challenged. We are all neighbors in this world wide community. We are intertwined. What affects me, affects you. What comforts you, comforts me. We must rededicate ourselves to the common good of community. Kindness is reciprocal.
"We become human only in the company of other human beings. And this involves both opening our hearts and giving voice to our deepest convictions" - Paul Rogat Loeb