Moments

"The best portion of a good man's life, his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love." - William Wordsworth

Moments.  Our life and all that is meaningful is made up of moments.  Moments of saying hello or good morning to strangers passing on the street.  A smile to someone who looks troubled.  A breath of fresh air on a cool day.  Sharing a laugh with an acquaintance.  Holding your loved ones hand in a grip that feels exquisitely familiar.  Smelling your loved ones hair and remembering.  All our human moments.  These are the moments I will remember when it is time to leave this life.  

Let us all make more moments.  Before we engage in business, let's ask about family and health.  Let's give compliments to those who serve us every day.  Take nothing or no one for granted.

Be aware of all the moments that have touched your life.  Our values and core beliefs help us create new moments.  Let us all create new moments full of meaning and joy.

We can only find love and acceptance in each other

Everyone in this world is looking for love and acceptance.  Everyone is doing the best they can with what they know.  Everyone is stumbling through life with as much courage and integrity as they possibly can.

I continue to learn that our attitude towards our fellow humans can not be to judge or condemn.  No matter how much they have hurt me, no matter how painful their mistake, I need to remember, if they knew better, they would have done better.

"Father forgive them for they know not what they do." - Jesus Christ

Most of my judgements or condemnations are assumptions.  Whenever I am emotional and judgmental, I feel myself becoming physically and emotionally unhealthy.  We can not hold someone down in our hearts and minds without going down with them. 

I find that after a period of judgement, I must discipline myself to remember the good.  I must remember when I was forgiven and the grace I felt after receiving someone's open hearted forgiveness.  Someone was willing to accept my faults and see the best version of me.  I need to extend the same gift. 

We can only find love and acceptance in each other.  

We are all doing the best we can with what we know.

In each individual is the seed of Divinity. 

Sandra and Ashley

Sandra and I have been married for 40 years.  On of my favorite things to do is sit next to her on the couch and hold her close.

I have watched in awe as Sandra has cared for Ashley, our special needs daughter, for the past 35 years.  Ashley's initial diagnosis in the first few months of her life was "severely, profoundly retarded."  I know that term is no longer politically correct.  It is however the language that pierced our hearts 35 years ago.  Ashley is developmentally 2 months old.  She cannot move her body.  She can not speak.  She is tube fed.  She has on average 4 seizures a day.  She needs medicine 4 times a day.  She needs oxygen and suctioning often and she must have her diaper changed a few times a day.

My wife Sandra is a saint to our daughter.  Ashley is an angel.  I do not write these words figuratively.  I mean them literally.  I have been witness to this unconditional, divine love for 35 years.  Sandra and I were told early in Ashley's development "she will never be normal."  "She will never be successful."  "She will never be useful or productive."  "She will never meet any societal standards."  Through Sandra's love and Ashley's divine presence, we have risen above the limiting beliefs and cruel diagnosis that would make someone feel less valuable and invisible.  We have been blessed to participate in a Divine reality of unconditional love.  Ashley is a very precious soul.  She has profound value in her quiet, peaceful existence.  She is cherished by Sandra and I and our extended family and friends.  She is cherished as a precious child of God.

To be in Ashley's presence, you feel close to God.  There is a palpable unconditional loving presence.  When you are in the presence of a soul who does not know judgement, who values you solely for who you are, not what you do, you can be fully authentic.

There is a blessed freedom that we feel when we can be our true self.  You feel that freedom, blessing, and grace in Ashley and Sandra's presence.

"It's just business"

This is the biggest falsehood in human interaction

Business is human interaction

Business is winning and losing
Business is growing and declining
Business is acquisitions, mergers, transitions, closures

Trust is an essential ingredient in human business and human interaction
To earn trust, we must extend trust
We must believe in the goodness of people
We must lead with our hearts as well as our heads

"Every single employee is someone's son or daughter.  Like a parent, a leader of a company is responsible for their precious lives." - Bob Chapman

A successful business- is not just business- it is a family.  We need to treat people like family, not as employees.  We are in a relationship and relationships are the essence of human growth and development.

We need to rebuild schools- not as a business- but as a family.

We need to rebuild schools, that have as their highest priority, the care of human beings.

Commitment

No matter what country we originated from, no matter what our skin color, no matter what or whom we pray to, no matter what language we speak, we all want to be respected, cared for, acknowledged and valued.  Beneath all of our fear and shadow, we are at our core, kind.  We have more in common than we are different.  We all need connection.  We all want to belong.  We all want to be understood.  We all need to be loved.

I am committed to caring for every life that enters my life.  I am committed to keeping my heart open.  I am committed to transparency, vulnerability, authenticity, gratitude, empathy, compassion, and forgiveness. 

I am committed to speaking my truth.  I am committed to listening to your truth.  I am committed to getting back up when I fall.  I am committed to helping you up when you fall.

I am committed to "One nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for All."

Soft Skills

People often reference Social Emotional Learning (Emotional Intelligence and Social Skills) as soft

I find this minimizing and disrespectful.

The so called soft skills are in effect the Essential skills of being a human being.

The Essential human skills have transformed humanity from prehistoric fight or flight beasts to the infinite possibilities of today.

The Essential skills have helped us survive every war and helped negotiate every peace.

The Essential skills helped humanity end slavery and apartheid.

The Essential skill help us care for the environment and each other.

These are the skills of Jesus, Buddha, St. Francis, Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr., and Mother Teresa.  

These are the Essential skills of forgiveness, gratitude, kindness, connection, courage, compassion, empathy, understanding, serenity, and love.

These are the Essential skills needed to be fully human.

Communication, Communion, Community and Unity

This past week I had the privilege to work with an old friend and 70 educators on the topic of communication.  The word communicate has its origin in the latin commun; meaning "common."  Ideally, when we communicate, we share our understanding of what we have in common.  The word communion shares the same origin.  In communion, we have a shared experience.  The word community also has its roots in the latin word commun.  Community contains the word unity.  Human evolution and human possibilities are reflected in each of these words.

We need to focus on what we have in common.  We need to seek understanding so we can find common ground.  We need to look for opportunities to experience communion.  I believe these actions and intentions will lead us to building community.  In this process, we will experience unity.

Our great ancestors survived because they cared for one another.  We are part of a great legacy of bonding together for survival.  Fear used to bring us together to stay safe in our caves with our clans.  Now fear creates hate which tears us apart.  There is no security in racism, sexism, bullying or harassment.  Security will never be formed in separation.  The only safe and sane responses to challenges of our time are Communication, Communion, Community and Unity.

"Community Unity Mural" - by F. Michelle Santos - Baltimore, MD

Disrupt the cycle of anger, hatred, and violence

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." - Martin Luther King Jr.

If we meet anger, hatred, and violence with a similar response than we are a part of the pain that this creates.  We need to listen with a sincere intention to understand.  This process of leaning into the unknown and seeking to understand will disrupt the intensity of discord.

I grew up in the 50's and 60's with a Father who taught me about equity and justice.  I listened as he acknowledged and affirmed my first mentor, my little league baseball coach. Mr. Bell was a African American man, who was a role model of citizenship, respect, trust, caring and responsibility. He was my first hero next to my Dad.  In a time of a segregated lunch counters, I listened and read as my Dad wrote an editorial in our local town newspaper about how he respected and cared for Mr. Bell and how happy he would be, if he could not be my father, that Mr. Bell would be the father he would have chosen for his son.

My father was a small part of the civil rights movement in my little town in New Jersey.  We can disrupt the cycle of racism, anger, hatred, and violence by letting our humanity come shining through.  We need to listen, speak and act with compassion, understanding, and love for all humanity.

"Today, it's all about WE."

"We live in a world where everything is connected.  We can no longer think in terms of us and them when it comes to the consequences of the way we live.  Today, it's all about WE." - Gregg Braden

We must take our essential learnings of connection, authenticity, courage and compassion and apply them in the world.  The world begins in our homes, neighborhoods, schools, work places, states and country.  Fear is the source of anger.  Fear and anger undermine the essence of being human.  There is no scenario where anger works to anyone's advantage.  In fear, anger and violence, we all lose.

The survival of our world and of our lives will not be found in fear, anger and hatred.  The loudest voice does not always win.  We need to recall our existence depended upon, and still depends upon, our ability to cooperate.  We need to connect.  We need to listen.  We need to understand.

We need to stop looking through the eyes of fear.  We need to stop our obsession with us versus them.  We are here together.  Billions of us on this round blue ball.  In my unconditional loving God there is a welcoming, accepting spirit.  We are all one with different expressions of God's exquisite uniqueness.  We can touch the world instantly.  We can show love by a look, a gesture, a smile, a handshake, a hug, a phone call, an email, a tweet, a snap and a text.  We can also show love by being quiet in prayer and meditation.  Breathe a message of love and change the world.

Mentoring

Since my career as an educator and human services professional began at age 20, I have always been blessed to work with people younger than I am.  In the past 46 years, I have worked with talented, passionate people who are often younger in years but not in wisdom.  Wisdom for me has never been at the top of the graduate school hierarchy.  It has always been in the heart, soul and body of each individual life story.

I find joy in connecting young and old; in finding answers to social and educational challenges.  The energy is abundant and effervescent.  I believe we need to join together to address our shared responsibility for the future.  Together, we are the future.  We are our future.

I love mentoring young adults.  Mentoring is a two way street.  This mentality allows us to inspire the best in each other.  I love helping people find their voice.  There is great reward and meaning in sharing the authenticity and vulnerability of our voice.  As mentors, we have the honor and privilege to create a safe and emotional space for a young voice to blossom and feel its truth.

In young voices are sounds of hope.  We need the sound of hope, now!  I am inspired by youthful voices.  I am inspired by hope.  We need to be inspired, now!

We must knock down all of our perceived walls of difference and 

meet together in a safe emotional space.  

From this safe space, we will create wisdom.

Sanctuary

Sanctuary in it's original meaning, is a sacred place.  It is historically seen as a place of relief and safety.  In challenging times, people have often sought physical and emotional safety.  We live in those challenging times now.

Sanctuary is essential to life.  Sometimes I find it in the pages of a book.  Often I find it in a meditation, prayer, and the loving listening of a friend.  I always find sanctuary in the loving arms of my wife Sandra and the loving presence of our daughter Ashley.  Seeking sanctuary is not optional.  Today we are often overcome by rushing, pressure, stress, us versus them, hate speech, racism, and sexism.  We all need sanctuary to recover from the oppression of violence.

Here is a beautiful song by Carrie Newcomer "Sanctuary"

https://www.newcomerpalmer.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/06-Sanctuary.mp3

Peace

My life continues to be meaningful

I am blessed.  I love my life.  I am becoming old.  At 66, I don't mentally process as quickly and am slower at finding my beloved vocabulary.  My life is full of grace.  I am no longer graceful.  I fall down and I sometimes struggle to get up.  I get up, I rise because of the grace of God, I rise with the support of great therapists, I rise with the loving support of family and friends.

I still have some fears.  I still fear the passing of our special needs daughter.  I feel the fear when I can not find Sandra.  I know how blessed I am to be alive.  Many people I know have not made it to my age.  I love the viewpoint from my late 60's. 

I have no interest in fighting against aging.  Aging is a natural state of human growth and development.  I actually find some joy in saying "I am getting old."  I am still making connections, I am still building relationships, I am learning and I am still creating.  I particularly love connecting with young, passionate, caring minds.  I think our relationship benefits both the young and the old.  My life is a blessing, my life is a vocation.  I feel called to do this Work.  My life continues to be meaningful. 

Practice

"To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now." 

- Fred Rogers

Our life experience is a limitless journey of practice and progress, not perfection.  We are all in relationship in this journey of making mistakes and learning.  We all have different life learning styles and we all learn our life lessons at different rates of speed.  We all must remember each of us is doing the best we can, with what we know at the moment.

I seek to lovingly accept you as you are in that moment.  Even though you may be different than me and hard for me to understand.  It would be easier for me if you were like me but it would be far less interesting and neither of us would grow or learn anything new.

Our relationships along life's journey allow us each to keep practicing.

Practice, practice, practice

Progress, progress, progress

Improvement, improvement, improvement

Pain can be a teacher in the process of growth

"All the world is full of suffering.  It is also full of overcoming."

- Helen Keller

"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience.  

We are spiritual beings having a human experience."

- Teilhard de Chardin

Essential to our spiritual nature, we have within us the ability to rise above all challenge.  As human beings, we have felt pain, disappointment, loss and grief.  All these experiences teach us how to choose in the future.  What today is painful, tomorrow we can chose differently and grow.  Suffering is life reminding us we can make a change.

If a relationship is hurtful, we need to make a change.  If we are not happy about going to work, it is time to look for another option.  If our body or mind is in pain, it is time to make adjustments and get help.

Pain can be a teacher in the process of growth.

We are one sacred family

"Fear, pain and worry make us retreat, 

while great love and great suffering break down those barriers."

-Mark Nepo

Will we be a society, a culture, a people that lives in fear and pushes people away because we perceive them as different?  Can we be a society, a culture, a people that lives in great love and compassion and invites those we see as different to come close and teach us?

Will we be self-serving, in need of control and untrustworthy or can we be kind, generous, servant leaders who are trusting?

Fear tricks us into believing that retreating, protecting and excluding will keep us safe. Love welcomes and reminds us that we are one within our diversity. We are essentially more alike than we are different. 

"We are born whole but we need each other to be complete."

- Plato

We are here to connect. We are here to be a unique part of an infinite whole. It is essential to tell our story. It is equally essential to listen to the stories of others. When we share the vulnerability of our stories, we find that we are not alone.  Every human life is sacred. We are one sacred family.