Bittersweet Gratitude

 "It is the nature of grace to fill spaces that have been empty." - Goethe

In experiencing the loss of my beloved daughter Ashley, I find so many open spaces in my life. Open and empty spaces where I would call to her, "Good morning sweetheart, how do you feel this morning?" Say goodnight with a prayer of gratitude and a kiss on her forehead. Those and many other moments are now open. Now, what do I do? Well, Ashley still speaks to me. "Tell my story Daddy, help others who have special needs children. Share my lessons of resilience and unconditional love."

This is my bittersweet gratitude. Even though she is not physically here she sends blessings. This inheritance of giving to someone else, what she has given to me. I hear her voice. I am surrounded by her pictures. I am lifted up in her unconditional love. I share her unconditional, universal love and she is forever alive.

Even in the coldest winter, I know summer is coming.

"In the midst of winter, I discovered that there was within me an invincible summer."

- Albert Camus

There are moments of joy, like being embraced by a favorite piece of music, or being lifted up in prayer, or a breathtaking sunrise, or the smell of an exquisite rose. There is the knowing that somehow, through the grace of God, I will experience happiness again.

Even in the pain of our wintery emotions, summer always comes. Daylight has its extended hours, the warmth of the sun on our shoulders opens us up, and even the rain smells good.

Life is calling us. Continue, move forward, there is still so much love for you to experience.

Even in the coldest winter, I know summer is coming.

Purpose

Whole, healthy human beings are committed to a sense of purpose outside themselves. They are devoted and passionate about something that calls to them. They are working on something they love, something that brings them great joy and satisfaction.

In the past few years, you may have felt disillusioned, brokenhearted, and angry. It is important to remember, you are not alone. We have all been challenged in some way. Two years ago as I entered open-heart surgery and I wondered if I would return to my loved ones. Three months ago, as I stood weeping uncontrollably by my daughter's bedside in ICU, watching her take her last breaths, I wondered what I would do without her.

When I have been challenged, fallen, and feel like I will never rise again, a glimmer of light guides me to ask "How can my experience help someone else? How can I take my grief and learning and make this world a bit better for others?" I have found that hopelessness lifts when I think of someone else. I renew my sense of purpose. I recommit to my mission.

I have always found that when I seek to help others, I help myself. The stress we are feeling and the grief that drops us to our knees can be a beacon of our strength and resilience.

Our desire to help, fueled by our sense of purpose, brings us to empathy. We feel with another, and we are not alone. That, in itself, is healing. Putting our empathy into action is compassion.

Our challenges are not unique to us. We are not the only one. We have not been singled out by the universe. We all have pain, stress, grief, and broken hearts. We are all part of a greater whole. One in a universe of fellow humans. Let that unity envelop and warm you.

Let us help each other to survive and thrive. Share your sense of purpose. Share your gifts in service to others and your healing will begin.

Seeds

We begin life as a single cell, a seed. Heart cells become hearts and brain cells become brains. Tomato seeds become tomatoes and apple seeds become apples.

We begin as a seed of loving consciousness. We have infinite variety in our size, color, interests, and talents. We all came from the same infinite loving consciousness.

Throughout our life, we can continue to be that loving consciousness. We can be kind, grateful, and understanding. We can be caring, empathetic, and compassionate. We can see the unity in our diversity.

When we accept that we all came from the same infinite loving consciousness, with our beautiful diversity of colors, shapes, and skills, we become one with the unconditional loving presence.

Let us be kind, caring, and loving humans.